Today I went to Cary Days and came to a realisation. Walking among the surly Chicagoans reflecting on how they screwed up in life so bad as to have ended up in their job position, I realised how much i appreciated being among friendly acquaintances and friends but, I pondered how i never got out more and ended up in this position where the simple act of going to Cary Days was nearly the highlight of my entire month.
Though while I may tell myself that the reasons i find myself so lonely are that I'm not a party person (which is true) and a bit of a loner (which is also true) leading to a downward spiral outside of most social spheres, in truth I'm lonely because i never really had the discipline to work on the social things that I've always wanted to do. For instance make it in Cross Country that i so loved or to work out so that girls might be interested in me and I wouldn't be the uggo i currently am, or especially to make an effort to be nice once and a while rather than mean which has lead to so many regrets about those I've been cruel to. (Tonight seeing one in particular who had been nothing but nice to me that i remember being mean to on so many occasions was rather sad)
But I make an attempt to look upon the bright side of things and being really really lonely makes you appreciate these times greatly, which is of course, super awesome.
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